why do I like you so much? Nothing would ever happen between us.
I honestly think there is some force that pushes away every guy even remotely interested in me. Today, for example, my friend tells me there’s a guy that thinks I’m hot who’s meeting us at the mall with her (sort of) boyfriend Okay, im flattered and all, but when he gets there he isn’t the most attractive guy if you know what I mean. As the day went on i realized he’s a sweet guy and also like 3 years older than me! So, tonight I find out he wants my number.. We’re texting and everything but then I realize he’s also texting my friend Alex, who came with us to the mall(He’s a total bore to text jsyk). As I’m joking around with Alex saying how he’s boring and shit she gladly tells me how he’s flirting and saying how she looked really cute at the mall! Then it hits me. I literally have no chance with any men in the world. For a guy who’s short, half-decent and interested in me to go for the 6 foot, kinda pretty (sorry Alex, I know this is bitchy but I need to vent out my feelings) totally crushes me. It’s not the fact that it’s Alex or he’s ugly, its the fact that every guy must think some wierd thing about me that sets off my chances of ever having a boyfriend. My life could never be any lower right now. I feel ugly, fat, and hopeless. Plus the fact that my grandma has just found out she has serious cancer and has to wait a fucking month for surgery. I never thought i could feel this low. My best friend, Saundra has suffered from depression and I never knew how she felt till now. Im not saying I’m depressed, but I’m definitely having one of those “teenager depression” moments where you feel like your life is never gonna work out the way you want it. Hopefully no one actually read this whole thing, I just needed to vent out my feelings and let myself know that things will be okay. But as for now, things feel horrible. Disgusting. Worthless.
Wow, I really need to find happiness without a boy. But girls always want that boy to say to you “your beautiful”. I mean, my girlfriends tell me all the time I’m gorgeous and shit, but I’ve never believed it because when it comes down to it, you want to hear a boy say it to you in an emotional moment. Sounds cheesy. I know. But I’m pretty sure everyone can agree with me.
Ugh, and one more thing. Jenna. At the mall today she met up with her (sort of) boyfriend. When they’re totally macking in front of the whole mall, I wonder how she gets all these guys. She literally has boys swooning for her. Do I need to text a shitload of boys and hope that one might be interested? Oh right. This is where Phil comes into the picture. Fucking Phil Front. The boy from mississaugua who will NOT leave my alone. He’s short, fat and annoying. (Wow I’m a bitch right now lol) anyways…. Is that the standards I need to go down to? You’d think I’d be flattered by a guy texting me but it seriously does not flatter me. It makes me feel like those type of boys are the only ones who could possibly be interested in me. Oh and how could I forget the night of my party when he showed up and fucking smashed his lips on mine. That was gross.. (No one knows about this)
Alright, seriously need to stop venting. Thankyou tumblr. Goodnight.
havent felt this hopeless in a while. this song really defines what im feeling right now.
